image type by Megan Gilger
Some days you need to get some things out and I woke up today feeling my introspective self needing to get real.
As a creative I go through serious times of self-doubt or feeling I am not doing enough. These last few weeks have been challenging. Returning to the states and seeing everything in a new way than I did before, rediscovering a rhythm, beginning to restructure Hitch, keeping up with the blog, finishing lots of projects, handling some really tough business decisions, and oh yeah realizing Christmas is only 5 days away. I know there is little honesty out there in the creative/blog world about struggles and you all know I like to keep it real. I get a lot of emails asking how I make it all happen. The truth really is I don’t know and I don’t think I do.
There is this slight fear in me to share that exact answer, but I know I need to acknowledge this and be honest with myself. Keeping up with it all is no easy task and I don’t want to pretend that I am good at it, because I rather suck at it. I am right brained till it hurts and organization is not a strong suit. Not to mention my extreme optimism in life keeps me thinking I am making it all happen.
Since coming back from our travels I have seen a shift in how I want life to be. There is a stillness I have never learned as a creative. I find that if I am not constantly making, planning, doing than I feel little success. I live to create and I create to live. It feeds me in a way I never realized till recently.
For the last 2 weeks I have felt as if life is kind of this constant tornado. I cannot keep it under control and there are too many things pulling in too many directions. If you have emailed or called me in the last 2 weeks or more I am sure you have noticed my lack of existence. I don’t like it and as much as I would love to say I just need more structure I know myself well enough to know that is not the case. So much of me wants to be great at it all from the blog, to the business, to blog brunch, to being a wife, to some a day a mom, and even just simply the domestic things. I am not saying I need perfection or if there is such a thing, but what I want is to figure out what I want the most in this amazing beautiful life.
This last year has been a huge success in my mind more than half my goals have been met personally and in business (mostly in business — can we say balance?! I clearly have priorities) but I think what I am finding is any creative knows I lack clear focus. This is where I know no app suggestion will help me. This is an introspective-let’s-get-real-about-this-kind-of-shit thing.
So my goal over this coming holiday weekend and week is to get honest with myself. To ask the tough questions about where is the blog going? What are the goals? Where has it diverted and is that a good thing? What about side projects? Which ones are right which ones are worth moving on from?
The business is a whole other thing in the best of ways. I have never felt so much clarity in it since beginning Hitch and I am anxious to share what is coming in the next year. There is a firmness I never could exist as a small-business owner. This could be why I am feeling I need more clarity on these other parts of life.
I hope you all don’t think this is too real or too honest I get scared to write these posts, but I know as a creative I love hearing about the struggles of other creatives and that things are not all puppies and bubble gum. There are too many happy faces that I know have similar struggles and I don’t want to fake it with you all or be too debbie-downer either, just real. This is why to me it is so important to have a group of people you trust who understand the realness of owning a business, creating, and chasing a dream. You need people to tell you you are not crazy, that you are in the right direction, and even when it is not working.
So bring on the snow and the bad roads, cause I got thoughts to mull over and a bottle of wine that is going to talk me through it all. Happy Thursday my friends! You mean the world to me.