When I was younger, I remember a watching my mom taking care of my brother and realizing one day I would become a mom as well. The concept frightened me, but even as a young kid I felt like one day I would also have a boy.
In our first year of marriage, I vividly remember a dream where I was going to the job site of a home that we were building. In the dream, Mike was walking ahead of me, and it was a chilly day, I know this of course because we were wearing coats. I walked slower than him because I held the hand of a little boy about 3 or so with dark hair and tons of wonder in his eyes. As we were walking in the doorway, I leaned down to him and told him “this is going to be our new home.” I don’t remember much of the details of the home itself. I didn’t recognize the place we were at or anything more. The only thing that felt right was the three of us together in that home. Every time I think about that dream I get a little teared up. The dream still feels real and a little like the feeling you get when you arrive home after a long time away. It is the feeling of being right where you are meant to be.
On the day we found out we would be welcoming a little boy into this world, I instantly remembered that dream. I went right back to the feeling of his hand in mine and the fluffy dark hair that Mike and I both had as kids. I don’t put a lot of stock in the truth of dreams, but I have heard of women dreaming of their children many years before they ever are pregnant or think of making that step in their life. No matter your feelings on the premonitions of dreams, I love the dream more now than in the moment when I awoke from it. To this day, that dream still feels real, even four years later.
Truthfully, we would have been happy with a boy or girl, we didn’t care either way. Just like most expecting parents, we only want a healthy baby. We tossed around the idea of not finding out but decided it would give us a connection to the baby before his arrival.
We had a pretty special experience finding out the sex. While we were up north, we had to have a check up. We knew we would ask a close family friend who is ending his time as an OBGYN to do the honors of checking in on our little one in August. The special part? He was the doctor who delivered me, my brother, and two of my cousins! He and his wife were at our wedding and have been friends with my grandparents for over 40 years. That said, Mike and I consider him and his wife as close as family. So, when we showed up that day, Mike and I brought my parents and brother along for the checkup. It was 14 weeks and very early, but we snuck a peak, and the doctor was 80% sure we had a little boy. It was special for my parents (this will be their first grandchild) and my brother to see this moment and share in the joy. Afterward, we all went out and celebrated. It felt so incredible to share that monumental moment with some of the people we love the most. We didn’t want to share the news until we had the official 19-week confirmation ultrasound back home.
Since finding out we would be having a boy, I have been just giddy thinking of having a little guy to read stories to at night, hike through the woods with, look for frogs with, and to discover the world with through his eyes. One day we might have a little girl and we have the joy of experiencing both sides of the coin, but for now I am living in the world of boyhood and feel overjoyed about all that is ahead.
Many times while Mike and I are doing the dishes or driving somewhere we chat about all the hilarious things he could do with his life and speculate about who he will be. It may be our favorite conversation lately. Sure we are two creative independent people, but we know that doesn’t mean he necessarily will be the same. I mean my brother is a plastics engineer, so there is a chance he might get some of that math brain. Either way he will be all his own, and we love that we will have the opportunity to see the world through his eyes. We have no doubt he will be a part of making us better each day.
What I do know about him thus far at nearly 21 weeks (he is measuring one week ahead of me) is that he is a strong one. His kicks are far more than most kids at this stage. At 18 weeks, I could visibly see my stomach move up and down when he kicked, and he hasn’t slowed down. Just knowing he is a he, makes Mike and I feel how very real all of this is. Seeing him moving and kicking is even more exciting these days. At the last ultrasound we could see all of his toes, fingers, long skinny legs, and even his little nose. It really made us realize how precious this little life is and how much he will play into the rest of our lives. Now, choosing a name… We had one picked out, but have spent weeks kicking others names just to be sure. Ultimately, we keep coming back to the original, which is usually the right sign. The only way it would change now is if he arrives the name just doesn’t feel like him for whatever reason.
This journey surprises me every day. From the growing aches and pains of everything expanding and loosening in my body to him rolling over and kicking to the way it brings Mike and I closer, it is all such a precious and beautiful thing to us.
We are excited to share this tidbit of our excitement with all of you. We are still learning how to integrate this new part of our story and life here. Thank you for your patience, understanding, and support.
Now if all of this baby stuff isn’t your thing, the rest of the week will be filled with some exciting new things ahead as well as sharing about a big trip we are taking next week.
Now, all of you moms give me your boy advice and suggestions for what to make sure to have on our registry and even what was a waste of time!
In the image: A big thanks to Jenn Elliott Blake (also welcoming a little one in November!) for sending along the swaddler and lion. The quilted body suit is from Baby Gap, and the leather football is from Huckberry.