Dear Little Man of mine,
15 months ago you made me a mama. Your mama. It was a day of the unexpected. In your own fashion, you came both gracefully and quickly into this world. You changed me that day and I told you with your first breath, we would figure this all out together one moment at a time and haven’t we? My heart reshaped in that moment seeing you and ever since then you have been transforming me. It is painful at times, but it is also the most beautiful thing I have experienced in my life.
These days I am getting to know you in a whole new way. You are strong, confident, capable, independent, fearless, compassionate, caring, opinionated, and adventurous. A true amalgamation of your parents. It is a gift to see you become yourself more and more every day. It has made me realize more than ever as your mother I have some promises to make to you as we continue this journey together.
I promise I will not be perfect, but I will always be there.
I promise I will not say the right thing a lot of times, but I will show you how to say sorry.
I promise I will yell and then show you what it means to feel and figure out how to handle your emotions.
I promise I will forget so you know what it means to be human.
I promise I will tell you about all the ways I messed up, in hopes you won’t make the same mistakes.
I promise I will love you endlessly even through disappointment and painful words.
I promise to let you make a mess, because it can always be cleaned up. Be creative. Explore.
I promise to listen to you intently, but sometimes I won’t and I hope you tell me where I can do better.
I promise to always dance wherever we are whenever you want. Don’t let me say no.
I promise to always take you to the water because we know it fixes everything.
I promise to be silly. Endlessly silly. Life is too short for anything else.
I promise I will show you empathy through my actions, words, and failures.
I promise I will teach you what it means to passionately live through how we live our lives.
I promise to teach you the rules, but one day also let you figure out what it feels like to break them.
I promise to embrace your passions even when I don’t understand them, I will learn.
I promise to always hug you more than you may ever want because we are a hugging family.
I promise I will always have an open hand to hold at every stage of your life.
I promise to one day let you go and never hold you back for my sake.
I promise to be human and not hide my mistakes or failures from you.
I promise to be brave but tell you when I am not.
I promise to teach you how to appreciate the Earth and all she offers us.
I promise to teach you how to cook, grow food, live simply.
I promise to show you every day what it means to be grateful even on the worst days.
More than anything, I promise to be your safe place the one you can run to always and to know I will be there when you need me most. I will be disappointed one day with you. I will be mad at you one day. You will be disappointed with me one day and you will undoubtedly be mad at me many times more than me at you. I hope beyond hope though that those moments will be what make us stronger together and our relationship deeper. I hope I can be a woman that shows you what it looks like to love, be self-less but in the same breathe strong, independent, and resilient.
We have grand adventures ahead of us my friend. You are so deeply loved and one day when you have your own daughter or son you will know just what I mean. Till then, on this Mother’s Day I don’t want to make you the promise that I won’t be the greatest mom or the most perfect mom, but I will be your mom, your safe place, your place to learn what it looks like to love, create, passionately live, find contentment, and embrace what it means to be human.
To all the adventures ahead in our time together. You are my heart and my greatest adventure.
Love with every inch of my heart and soul,